Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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