How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
