i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
