She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
