How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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