it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
