Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
