Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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