Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
