I molested 6 butterflies tonight
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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