Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pooping to opera.
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