So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
