My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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