So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
