If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize