if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
