her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
