"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
