Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
