dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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