I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
