so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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