I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
