I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
