This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
