he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
