You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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