his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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