operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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