she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
