its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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