I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
