i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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