I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
