I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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