He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
