Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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