she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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