oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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