Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
