Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
