you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dignity is for republicans.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
