Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
