I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
