I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
