Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
