I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
