He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
