I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
