I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
