i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
