How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
