I wanna bring you to show and tell
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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