Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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