just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
