I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
