he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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