She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
