Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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