you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
