We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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