Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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