Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
