Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
