take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
