Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
