Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
