a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
