so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
