My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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