i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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