p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Redeem this text for a blowjob
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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