he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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