Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
