kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
