belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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