Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Damn victory sex feels great
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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