I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
