too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
