oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
