"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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