I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
