I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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